My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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