you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
