Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
