I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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