I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
