Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
