Kiss
Puke
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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