cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
