found the other keg... it's in the tree
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
