why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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