I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
