SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
