When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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