It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize