The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
