I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
