So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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