If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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