she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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