Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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