Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
