When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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