Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
