you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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