Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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