oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
