Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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