Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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