You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
