I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
