wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
