You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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