can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
