The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
