He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
