I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
