Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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