ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
