Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
