what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
