u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
