I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think I sprained my soul last night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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