I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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