i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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