I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Randomize
