I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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