is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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