she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
