operation harelip BJ is a go
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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