I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
