I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
