i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
