Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
