If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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