How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
