First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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