I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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