Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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