Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
porn star boner night. come get it.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
