Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
