haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
