its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
