the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize