i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
