maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
