It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
